Before kids we were averaging a few trips a year. Wicked AF trips. Chi chis on the beach in Tulum. Getting into mischief on the streets of downtown New York. Carousing all weekend in the bright lights of Vegas. Now.. we have kids.
So this time we chose West Edmonton Mall, Alberta. A contained family vacation destination with a super short flight from Abbotsford. Cudos to Westjet for asking my son Jett if he wanted to meet the pilot and check out the cockpit. You get bonus points when you entertain my kid.
The Fantasyland Hotel is inside the mall so we could walk everywhere. The only time I went outside was to sneak a cigarette after a few glasses of wine. I had used airmiles for our flights, so we splurged on the truck themed room. The queen bed is in the back of a pickup and there is a set of bunk beds that look like a fire engine. Décor is antique gas pumps and traffic lights. You can climb in the cab of the truck. I put in a request for a crib for Katie which was there on arrival but left extraordinarily little room for anything else. Everyone loved the room.
I emailed the concierge to let them know it was our kids first big trip and hinted if they could do anything special, it would be much appreciated. They comped us 4 passes to Galaxyland. I always try and do this before staying in any hotel. Tell them it is your birthday or anniversary. You almost always get a room upgrade or bonus, like a cheap bottle of wine or low-grade fruit basket. Always coordinate your fib with your travelling partner. I’ve had a few death glares from my husband Matt when the friendly receptionist tries to make polite conversation and asks him how he plans to celebrate my (fabricated) birthday.
Our first stop was the underground Sea Life Caverns which is a small aquarium nestled in the center of the mall. The kids were into the invertebrate creatures and reptiles. There is a show with penguins and sea lions. They throw frisbees at the audience. Jett caught one which was great because I told him that was his souvenir. He was still young enough I could get away with that stunt without a fight.
Located adjacent is the gigantic replica of Christopher Columbus’ ship the Santa Maria which you can walk through to check out. Jett thought it was a pirate ship so luckily I didn’t have to get into the dark history of international slave trading. It’s a cool looking exhibit and good for pics.
We hit the food court for dinner because I had a gift card for Arby’s and what is a mall vacation without a stop for greasy fast food?! There are dozens of quick stop options and lots of seating. It was busy but we got a table. We hit payday when we scooped a double stroller. I had seen on the website they were available for a deposit but there were none available when we inquired with customer service. After watching the abandoned buggy sit all on it’s lonesome during dinner, we threw the kids in and walked off posthaste when we finished eating. We took it home to the hotel and kept it for the duration of the trip. Getting around a crowded mall with a 1 and 3 year old is inconceivably easier when they are properly restrained.
The next morning it was time for the indoor amusement park, Galaxyland!! There are 24 rides including the worlds tallest indoor roller coaster, the Mindbender. Upon researching this trip, I read about an accident in 1986 where the last car on the train crashed at high speed into a concrete pillar and killed 3 people. The kids weren’t tall enough for the Mindbender nonetheless, so we crossed our fingers and tried some of the other options instead. They loved the ball pit in the Galaxyland Kids Playpark. It is one of those socks only play areas with slides, caves, tubes and enough germs to take down an Olympic athlete. Jett begged to go back every day for a week.
For dinner we hit Bourbon Street. There were a couple fun looking pubs and lounges but we settled on Boston Pizza because, well you know.. the babies. We were craving something strong to drink that evening after the merry go round music from that afternoon. As new parents we had limited nightlife options, so we distracted the kids with dessert and pounded a few cocktails. We kept them out to a shocking 8pm. We’re still rebels. Right??
The World Waterpark was scheduled for our final day. 17 waterslides. World’s largest indoor wave pool. Play park for the kiddos. It is a tropical oasis that will keep the whole family having fun for the whole day!! Unless you are my family. We did not even last an hour. Luckily the kids were free because of their age. Jett was TERRIFIED of the waterslides. And the waves. Katie had fun wading but she could barely walk so I had to helicopter parent her the whole time. We splashed around for a bit then decided to move on. Older kids would absolutely love this place.
We did some shopping and exploring on our down time. Pretty much every store you can think of is in this mall. Sometimes two of them. You will get your steps in without trying.
The Antique Photo Parlour was a bucket list stop for me. My Grandma has a period piece picture with her sisters I have always relished and so I dragged my family along to try out experience. We chose the Victorian theme and they gave us a few costume options each. Matt added a gun even though the lady advised it was not historically accurate. The pics turned out great. Matt looked mean. The kids were freaking adorable.
My baby Katerina was getting a little cranky so I hung out at the hotel with her while the boys went to mini golf and Pho. Note to the husbands out there: toddlers do not like Pho.
The best flight option for our return to BC left at 8pm, which is basically kid bed time. The flight to Edmonton went smoothly. The flight home was brutal.
We went through security and I was pulled out of line. They had randomly swabbed my luggage and customs needed to do more tests. I immediately blamed my husband in my head because I assumed it was marijuana residue. Then I started panicking and wondering how long powdered drug remnants would last on surfaces?! It had been many, many years since we’d partook but it’s possible there might be something stronger on my bag or maybe our electronics. I tried not to be all uncool. I asked the nice security officer lady what they were looking for. She calmly advised explosives. WTF. EXPLOSIVES?! Bye, bye free world. After ten minutes of sweating they came back and released me. It seems the officers detected the lye from the soap I had used to wash the baby bottles in the hotel sink. This can be used to make bombs. Upon further investigation they had determined I was not a violent terrorist, just an ignorant young mom who obviously wasn’t rinsing the bottles well enough.
So we finally get on the plane. In my head I imagined the kids would curl up sweetly and fall asleep a few minutes after take off. In reality, I had a toddler verging on a breakdown because he was over tired. My sweet baby (who is free to fly if she sits on your lap) was screaming bloody murder for the duration of the flight. I was that parent. We could not get her to chill. I figured the stimulation from the plane was too much and she was exhausted. We passed her back and forth. Bounced her up and down. Walked the aisle. Tried to avoid the annoyed glares from the surrounding passengers. It was tough. But we did make it home without killing each other.
The next day Katie was still cranky. And she started tugging at her ear.
Whoopsie daisy. Kid had an ear infection. Probably from the pathogens in that blasted ball pit. For all of you new parents out there I promise it gets easier once they can talk and tell you what is wrong. The mommy guilt from taking your one year old with an ear infection on a plane never goes away though. Vodka helps.
KIDS AGES: 1 and 3
SEPTEMBER 2017
paRty of 4 